A few weeks ago, I told Jesus during one of my journaling times that I did not believe that He was with me. On what did I base this accusation? My feelings. I was accusing Jesus of not being with me because I was not feeling Him with me.
I wondered how someone as huge and wonderful as the Creator could exist within me and I not feel Him?
Maybe I thought I could manipulate Him into responding and a boatload of feelings would just pour over me. Nope. Jesus is not manipulated by our feelings, moved yes, but not manipulated.
Because I was not feeling God’s active, tangible presence in my life, something that I had grown very accustomed to, I began to feel ordinary and alone. I was even fearful that I was going to go backward in my faith instead of forward. This would be a real no-no for me because I love growth and forward movement.
I began to despise the ordinariness I was feeling and a deep sense of loneliness came over me.
By the grace of God, I realized that what was happening to me was not ordinary at all, but still qualified as a wonderful work of His hand. I liken it to my experiences of being slain in the Spirit. During such times, God would bypass my head and go straight to my heart. During such times, I did not even know or understand the work He was doing, nor did I need to in order to appreciate it and benefit from it, nor did I always FEEL it.
That God can and does work on my behalf in a realm beyond my senses is extraordinary to me.
The fact that the evidence of His presence comes out in His steadfast faithfulness to change me into the person He created me to be (my heart’s cry) is extraordinary to me.
Though I may not feel it, I can have the confidence that God is with me and He is working in me and through me for my good, His purposes and His glory. This is not a quantum leap experience mind you. This kind of work occurs over an extended period of time (a lifetime really), and is evidenced by changes and growth that are sometimes unobservable by human standards, but yet exist and are real and meaningful – the fullness of which will be unveiled in His timing.
I know this for sure.
I was created to live an extraordinary life of love, compassion, forgivingness, sacrifice, etc., and God has put a passion for it in my heart and when the flame of that passion is turned down for a season of additional training and transformation, my heart longs for it.
Ordinary does not satisfy.
It is at these times when the enemy will come in and say, “You are alone.” I know this is a lie because God’s word says, “I will never leave or forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5b). I am not forsaken or forgotten. My God is with me.
I glean wisdom from the apostle Paul’s words in Philippines 4:12-13:
"…for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
I am right where I should be. I am in the hands of the Potter as he continues to add details to the masterpiece He calls my life – a life that longs to live for Him and for His glory.
My prayer is that I will be content in all things and in all places, that as I wait upon the Lord,
I will sing like David sang, dance as David danced, write Psalms, meditate on God’s goodness, and give to God offerings of praise and adoration that are due Him.
