I wrote the following poem for the art board we have at our church. Each month there is a theme and anyone in the church can post a created work of art - painting, photography,writing, etc. This month's theme is grace. I love God's grace. I embrace it now, but that was not always the case. Contemplating this theme of grace, I remembered a day when I challenged God and in my weakened and messed up state, wanting His judgment over His grace. Life had severely beaten me down and I was very, very weary. I wanted to die. I could not bring myself to end my own life, so I thought if I provoked God, maybe He would give me the judgment I felt I deserved and He would take my life. In reality, in my heart of hearts, I recognized that the existence of God was my only hope and therefore, I desperately needed Him to reveal Himself to me. Thank goodness He is real and He did came to me in my darkest hour with life transforming power! Grace, grace, grace abounded! (Ironically, it wasn't in the scene I have described. It was a few months later. I will have to blog about it another time.)
The first part of this poem is based on my actual actions and the second part is based on a dream. Both come together to form a beautiful interpretation of God's grace toward me.
“Your Grace is Sufficient for Me”
I stand in an open field,
Watching the approaching storm.
I think to myself, “So, this is how it is to be.”
You have come to answer the challenge of my heart
And you have brought wind, thunder,
And lightning as your allies. I am ready.
Arms at my side, feet firmly planted,
I lift my face to the skies and I cry out,
“If you are real, reveal yourself to me! I dare you!”
My mind wonders, my thoughts drift.
“Strike me if you must, just show me if you are here.”
There, the words have gone forth.
My heart aches as I await your reply.
The pain held there cannot be endured much longer.
“Show me or I will surely die!” I whisper.
Raindrops begin to pelt my face.
Their sting is sharp and brings relief in some small way.
This is what I deserve, right? This is what I expect.
After all, I have been unfaithful.
My unbelief permeates the air even now.
The storm is directly above me.
I look up and brace myself for your judgment.
I hear familiar voices in my head calling to me,
“Run! Take shelter! Hide!”
I resist the temptation. I refuse to be moved.
I must know the truth. Here. Now.
Slowing the sky begins to change.
The blackness is peeled back.
Radiant light and deep blue skies appear.
The heavens are open and
Something is falling. Flowers!
Sweet, delicate flowers rain down on me.
Wait! What is this?
Where is my judgment?
The answer comes quickly and with
Beautiful, wonderful revelation.
“My grace.”
You laugh, I laugh. Joy washes over me.
I begin to dance.
Your grace is sufficient for me…
