What Does it Mean to Be Favored by God?

I am participating in a Beth Moore bible study (Stepping Up - a journey through the Psalms of Ascent) this summer and in one of the lessons, Beth wrote, “Insecurity is a serious problem, but self-security can be an even bigger problem – even our self-security drawn from our position as a child of God.” She went on to share this scripture (emphasis mine):

Psalm 30:6-7:

“When I was secure (another version says “prosperous”), I said, ‘I will never be shaken.’ Lord, when You showed Your favor, You made me stand like a strong mountain; when you hid Your face, I was terrified.” (HCSB)

At first, I did not understand what she was trying to convey, so I kept reading. She explained herself like this: 

“…God’s favor and His person are not synonymous. If our trust is in manifestations of God’s favor rather in God Himself, we will crumble like dry clay when He calls us to walk a distance of our journeys entirely by faith and not by sight.”

In other words, in this instance, Beth interpreted that David was basing his security and trust on the manifest favor of God and when he had no manifest evidence of favor, He was terrified. I can relate!

My heart broke when I realized that in some measure, I too respond to God in this manner. Not only have I believed this distortion of truth, I have inadvertently taught it to others. I often say to my daughter Jeneva, “You are favored by God,” speaking those words based on the fact that God always seems to work on her behalf in a very clear and “manifest” way. I have repented for my error and have apologized to Jeneva for promoting God to her in that way.  I said to her, “I guess that would be like you only loving me when I did things for you or gave you material things – manifest evidence. As a parent, I don’t want my child’s love based on such things. I want my children (I have two girls) to love me simply because I am for them and not against them, even when I cannot provide or choose not to provide an answer or a fix for the hard things they will encounter in life.

So, here is my understanding of the favor of God:

The favor of God means that He is for me and not against me. That simple. Simple, but powerful when you think about it, which I invite you to do.

In Part 2, "Oh, From Where Do My Insecurities come? "I will share some possible reasons for my financial insecurity. I find that most of the time, if not all, my fears come from a very real place. Hopefully, as I have related to what Beth Moore shared, you will be able to relate to what I am going to share.

Preview of Part 2:

One of my greatest areas of struggle has to do with money/finances. I feel very insecure and afraid (or as David said, “terrified”) when it feels as if God has hidden His face or withheld His favor from me and has left me to make my own way – I believe that would be the self-security Beth Moore was talking about.

Romans 8:31

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? (NIV)

Good Medicine

Most of us have heard that laughter is good medicine. Well, it’s true. Last night I heard my daughter’s voice faintly through the wall that separates our bedrooms. She was calling for me. When I went into her room, she said, “Mommy, I can’t breathe.” Because of some other very recent experiences, I knew immediately that she was having an anxiety attack. From what I can glean from her experiences, an anxiety attack is a horrible thing to experience – difficulty breathing, chest pains, nausea, sweats and chills at the same time, etc. Watching my daughter try to catch her breath while looking at me with frantic eyes was gut wrenching to say the least. 


I got her started on some deep breathing exercises and calmed her by rubbing her forehead and speaking words of comfort that I have had to say all too often lately, “It will be alright. It will pass soon. I will stay with you.”  We tried to get on the internet to see if we could Google ways to stop an anxiety attack, but our internet connection would not work. She said, “What a time for the internet not to work.” I agreed. However, she remembered some videos she had made with her two best friends on Photo Booth and wanted to watch those instead. 

Photo Booth Shot

If you have the Photo Booth program, you have probably figured out that you can change the settings to do weird things to the images. We watched clip after clip of her and her friends being silly and using the settings to make some very strange and funny faces. We laughed and laughed. Okay, I did most of the laughing and she laughed at me laughing so hard. I had tears coming down my face. Within a few minutes, I heard some very beautiful words, “Mommy, I can breathe again.” We were searching for a remedy and we found one. We were looking for answers from an external source, when the answer was right there within us – LAUGHTER!


I would like to say that I went back to bed with complete peace of mind, especially after praying fervently for God to comfort her in my absence, but I didn’t. I worried that she might have another attack and I wouldn’t hear her calling me. I worried that it was really a heart attack and she would die because I didn’t take her to the doctor. Are there any other parents out there that have these thoughts when your child is very sick?  I had to practice my own deep breathing and relaxation exercises - praying and trusting in God’s good care.  


Well, I made it until about 5 a.m. before I did "the test.” I call it that for lack of a better title. I went into her room as quiet as I could and stood over her bed to see if she was breathing. There. I admit it. When either of my children are sick, I often check their breathing. In this particular instance, I couldn’t see my precious girl very well in the dark and I didn’t want to touch her chest because I didn’t want to startle her and bring on a heart attack for sure. As I hovered, waiting, staring intently at her little body, she sighed and rolled over onto her side. I sighed too. 


Some may say that I did not trust that my prayers would be answered and maybe this is so. Regardless, I would like to think that God was not interpreting my conduct as an act of distrust, but rather that He felt my mother-love for my child and responded with His own great love and compassion. I would even like to think that He smiled to see my relief.


Laughter, prayers, and a mother’s love – like a spoonful of sugar – sweetens an otherwise unpleasant situation. Don’t you agree?

"A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22 (Amplified Bible)

Is God a Meanie?

Have you ever been mad at God? I have. Over the years, He and I have had a few tussles. They usually involved me wanting Him to rescue a loved one or me out of some kind of pain and suffering and when He didn’t, I would get angry and let Him know about it. Over the last several years, I have let my defenses down; believing that my suffering cup had been filled to capacity. I had survived my own personal childhood trauma and my older daughter and I survived the trauma of divorce and custody battles and the whole family suffered as we watched my younger daughter fight for her life from a condition called “failure to thrive.” These were all incredibly painful ordeals - surely our family would be exempt from any more major trials. I was wrong. My younger daughter had yet one more trial to endure. She was diagnosed with a chronic medical condition that was not life threatening, but it could, and currently was, interfere with quality of life with regard to daily functioning.

My first reaction was to get mad at God. Sort of like, “Are you kidding? Haven’t we been through enough?” I soon realized that getting mad at God was not a very good use of my time. My emotions were getting so high that my self-protecting mechanism kicked in subduing my emotions and allowing my functioning-self to surface. My functioning-self got a lot done. Doctor appointments were made, counsel was sought, school issues were addressed, etc. This was good. It helped me not feel helpless and it was productive. Even though I felt better, I continued to pray to God because in my heart, I knew that He was the only one that could deal with the inner turmoil my daughter was going through from this very public and uncontrollable, outwardly manifesting, disorder. The anger faded and, truthfully, I went a little numb so that I could do the things I needed to do for my daughter.

Finally, after 3 long weeks of an intense situation, things began to rapidly change for the better. God did specific things for my daughter that were so unusual that it was clear to me and others that He was aware and cared about our daughter’s troubles. Here is the odd thing and the confession I want to make. The first night that it became clear that the trial was easing up, I cried. You are probably saying, “What kind of confession is this? Why is this odd? Of course you cried.” The burden our family had been carrying for those several weeks was so heavy that when the lifting came, the whole situation seemed anti-climatic to me. As quick as the trial came, it also left. (Sara is still dealing with a chronic medical issue, but the severity and life-limiting aspect of it is under control at this time.)

As I was laying in bed that first night that I realized things were turning around, out of nowhere, I began to cry. The emotions I had kept at a level that allowed me to function now came to the surface with full force with a little surprise hidden in them. I confessed to my husband that I was having a very awful thought. I was thinking that God was mean. Yes, mean. Literally, I thought it was mean of God to put us through such an intense ordeal just to lift it like it was nothing. I was thinking, “Was that really necessary God?” You might say, “What? You should be glad that it is over.” I was glad, but these were my honest feelings. I had made a promise to myself not to suppress my feelings (something I had been doing for years) and to give them a “voice” when the time was right. It was right.

My husband was so kind when I asked him what he thought about what I said. He said, “I think God can handle that.” Even so, I felt like I needed to ask for forgiveness for having such a ridiculous thought. How I could think God - my heavenly, perfect, Father, whom I loved - could be mean was beyond me; especially when I knew in my heart that it was also impossible.

As I began to pray, if was as if God put up His hand to stop me. I felt His words wash over me telling me that forgiveness was not needed because there was nothing to forgive. “How could that be?” I asked myself. He went on to impress upon me that it wasn’t needed because there was a good reason I felt the way I did. He went on to reveal the source of this line of thinking. He reminded me that, as a child, I had a father who would often threaten my life – literally saying, “I will kill you if you do …. or don't do....” or even worse, he would threaten to kill my mother For me to think that a father, even a heavenly one, could be mean and threatening to me and my loved ones was very understandable in God’s eyes and, therefore, did not require forgiveness. However, it did require healing. A few healing words of Truth from my Father and this incident was put behind us - as far as the east is from the west, but there was one more thing that He wanted to address.

While I was helping my daughter though her trial and enduring the pain of it as only a parent can, my ability to hear God’s voice was nearly impossible. There was a voice that was coming in loud and clear and it was from the enemy. He kept whispering in my ear, “I told you He could not be trusted. I told you He would pull the rug out from under you when you least expected it.” These were familiar lies I had already overcome and I recognized them as such, but the pain remained.

One night during all this turmoil, I was dreaming and a messenger came to me in the dream. His voice was competing with other voices, but I did hear him say the words, “Second Corinthians” several times. When I awoke, I intended to look up the book and see if there was something God wanted to show me. For some reason, a distraction of some sort, I did not follow through. It was a few days after this dream, on a Saturday night, that I made my confession to my husband and to God. The next day in church, as I was listening to the worship music, it occurred to me to look up Second Corinthians. This is what I found:

18 But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas and Timothy—was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.

This passage may or may not make sense to you, but to me understanding flooded my mind. The message was loud and clear. When the enemy comes and tells me that God is untrustworthy and unfaithful and will not do what he said he would do, it is a lie. The truth is that God does not go back and forth speaking promises and then breaking them. His yes is yes. His promises are sure. I began to ask myself, “What are the promises God has made me?” The first two that came to my mind had nothing to do with specific circumstances, such as promising me earthly riches or perfect health or that a loved one or I would not endure suffering. No, the first two promises I remember God making me are these: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” and “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Overall, God’s promise to me is Himself. The promise is not just a heavenly promise - it is a promise for the here and now as well.

A “meanie” would never make the sacrifices that were necessary so that this promise could be fulfilled. Thank you God for your understanding and your kindness. Thank you that I was not alone in this trial even when I could not hear your voice or feel your presence. My assurance is not found in my senses. My assurance is found in who you are and my promised access to you.

Your Grace is Sufficient for Me

I wrote the following poem for the art board we have at our church. Each month there is a theme and anyone in the church can post a created work of art - painting, photography,writing, etc. This month's theme is grace. I love God's grace. I embrace it now, but that was not always the case. Contemplating this theme of grace, I remembered a day when I challenged God and in my weakened and messed up state, wanting His judgment over His grace. Life had severely beaten me down and I was very, very weary. I wanted to die. I could not bring myself to end my own life, so I thought if I provoked God, maybe He would give me the judgment I felt I deserved and He would take my life. In reality, in my heart of hearts, I recognized that the existence of God was my only hope and therefore, I desperately needed Him to reveal Himself to me. Thank goodness He is real and He did came to me in my darkest hour with life transforming power! Grace, grace, grace abounded! (Ironically, it wasn't in the scene I have described. It was a few months later. I will have to blog about it another time.)

The first part of this poem is based on my actual actions and the second part is based on a dream. Both come together to form a beautiful interpretation of God's grace toward me.

“Your Grace is Sufficient for Me”

I stand in an open field,

Watching the approaching storm.

I think to myself, “So, this is how it is to be.”

You have come to answer the challenge of my heart

And you have brought wind, thunder,

And lightning as your allies. I am ready.

Arms at my side, feet firmly planted,

I lift my face to the skies and I cry out,

“If you are real, reveal yourself to me! I dare you!”

My mind wonders, my thoughts drift.

“Strike me if you must, just show me if you are here.”

There, the words have gone forth.

My heart aches as I await your reply.

The pain held there cannot be endured much longer.

“Show me or I will surely die!” I whisper.

Raindrops begin to pelt my face.

Their sting is sharp and brings relief in some small way.

This is what I deserve, right? This is what I expect.

After all, I have been unfaithful.

My unbelief permeates the air even now.

The storm is directly above me.

I look up and brace myself for your judgment.

I hear familiar voices in my head calling to me,

“Run! Take shelter! Hide!”

I resist the temptation. I refuse to be moved.

I must know the truth. Here. Now.

Slowing the sky begins to change.

The blackness is peeled back.

Radiant light and deep blue skies appear.

The heavens are open and

Something is falling. Flowers!

Sweet, delicate flowers rain down on me.

Wait! What is this?

Where is my judgment?

The answer comes quickly and with

Beautiful, wonderful revelation.

“My grace.”

You laugh, I laugh. Joy washes over me.

I begin to dance.

Your grace is sufficient for me…

More Poetry

I am cheating a little on my blog today. I found some of my old poetry and thought I would "recycle" it. I have rewritten the poems a bit, so technically they are new. I guess this beautiful spring-like weather is inspiring me to be poetic! Speaking on inspiration, I just realized that my inspiration for both of these poems could have come from Exodus chapter 3 where God speaks to Moses from a burning bush. The "I AM" and holy fire themes are both in this chapter. Actually, I believe the first poem was inspired by a Sunday school lesson I was teaching. The second one most likely came to me during a time of seeking God's refinement. Stay tuned, I might find and post more old poetry. I save everything!

The Great “I AM”

“What is your name? Who shall I say you are?”

God speaks: “I AM WHO I AM”

The power of His voice goes forth

Reverberating throughout all creation

In the mighty clap of thunder

And the gentle splash of the raindrop

In the rumbling of the earthquake

And the gurgling of the mountain stream

In the fierce roar of the lion

And the gentle beating of the bird’s wings

In the warrior’s cry of triumph

And the newborn baby’s cry

Listen! Feel! Know!

The God of yesterday, today and forever

Is making His name known in the hearts of men

The Great "I AM"

HOLY FIRE

Look! There on the mountain!

A holy fire! A man within!

Righteous and pure and without sin

Burning bright, burning true

Beckoning to me, “I’ll see you through”

The journey begins here where I stand

Not hallowed ground, but right where I am

Bleeding feet and scarred knees

Is what this mountain is doing to me

Treacherous cliffs, from some I hang

Does He see me? Does He see my pain?

Yes! An outstretched arm, a helping hand

Back on my feet, now able to stand

The fire there is still calling you see

But wait, what is this change in me?

Oh, what a wonderful and glorious sight!

A gift of Hind’s feet for the climb through the night!

Upward, upward I must go

Never looking down, never looking below

At last, here I am at journeys end

He calls my name and I enter in

This all-consuming fire that is eternally Him

To be united with Him in one accord

This is my destination! This is my reward!

Garden Woes!

I have wanted to write about my garden for awhile now, but my heart just hasn't been in it since it was destroyed by deer a few weeks ago (see before and after pictures below). I am meditating on and allowing the Lord to work in my heart what He would like to speak to me about what happened. I am sure I will get several blogs out of this in the end!

(Before)

(After)

This is what I can share now. When I got home from a week in KY (a mission trip). I walked down to check on my chickens and my garden. My chickens were fine, but my garden looked a little strange to me. My mind knew something wasn't right, but I think it took my heart a little longer to accept the reality of what I was seeing - I call that denial. My once lush and fruitful garden was nothing but bare stems. I could only stay in denial for so long. The things in my mind and my heart collided and I was hit with waves of shock and dismay. My reaction: I hung my head low, turned on my heels, walked into the house, down the hall, into my bedroom, shut the door and cried. I was heartbroken.

Questions began to fly around in my head like "How could this happen? What did this? Why?" If I am going to be totally honest, the "why" question was directed at God and it came with frustration and hurt. This was OUR special place. I labored in that garden daily and this it was a place of communing for us. Why would He allow it to be taken from me - from us? I am one of those people who are bold enough to say things to the Lord with a little attitude like "Do you understand the importance of this garden to me Lord?" He has never smote me for it, but He does usually correct my attitude fairly quickly. This time was no exception.

My angry words still hung in the air when I heard Him speak to me, "Yes, I do understand. I had a garden that I planted with great care and it was a very special place for me - for others. Then, with just one act, it all changed." He didn't have to say anything else! I know the story of His garden (Genesis 3) and as I recalled it, I felt His great loss. He did understand. He always does. I have never been able to trip Him up on a "Do you understand?" question.

New questions rose up out of my heart. "Now what Lord? Do I give up? Do I try again?" I had put a lot of work into that garden and I wasn't so sure I was willing to give it any more of my time and effort or my heart - especially if an "enemy" was going to continue to attack it and steal its fruit from me.

Whoa! Time-out!

Praise God that this was not His attitude toward us - that He would give up on what He purposed in His garden. Praise God that He didn't say, "This is the end of my efforts with you." Things did change, but God's faithfulness to us did not.

After I digested some of these thoughts, I went back down to my garden and surveyed the damage. I prayed over my garden words that seem to come to my mind of their own accord - "Okay down trodden little plants, let's see how deep your roots are in this time of distress. Let's see if you still have any life in you. I will help." I began to weed around nothing but stems and I gave it a good drink of water all with the hope that anything is possible with God. Maybe new life would come back into these barren branches, maybe it wouldn't. Either way, I could not walk away from what I had created in love.

I am crying even now as I imagine the hand of Lord gently and patiently tending to me at different times of my life when I have needed care - when I have been beaten down, attacked or done things that have lead to my own destruction - times when I have been given that second (or third, or fourth) chance at life.

Psalm 89:1

I will sing of the lovingkindness of the LORD forever;

To all generations I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth.

Unfettered!

I learned this past Saturday that my beloved aunt died in her sleep. I say beloved because she wasn't just an aunt to me, she was an aunt-mother-friend. When I was just shy of my 13th birthday, I was sent to her house in Jacksonville, FL, for a visit while my mom worked out a solution to a very serious family situation - one that involved me not being able to live in the same house with her if my step-father also lived there. My summer visit became permanent when my aunt received a call from my mom asking her if she would like a little girl - me. My mom had found her solution to our problems back home. Instead of leaving her husband, she basically gave me away (please know that my mom and I had a very good relationship later in our lives - part of God's miracle of healing). My aunt graciously accepted me into her home, her family and her life. Mind you, I did not know her that well. I saw her only a hand full of times in my 13 years of life, but, for some reason, I had always had a great fondness for her. Now I know why. I was to be her little girl for a season - she already had three grown sons. My aunt was a wonderful, kind, and generous women God used to bring healing into my life. In her care, I experienced family love for the first time.  That love helped me through some really tough transitions and losses. The irony in my relationship with her is that she was the sister of my step-father - the one I could not live with any longer and the one who caused me great pain and sorrow.

This is my Aunt Myrtle many years ago  with her entire family. She is the 4th from the (L). My step-father is the 1st from the (R)

As I was grieving her death today, God began to show me some things. You might think what I am about to say is a little bit bizarre or you could find it enlightening. The Lord revealed to me that my aunt was the last person to die that was directly related to the history of my childhood pain. There were several significant people who contributed to my injuries and several who had a hand in my healing - she was a healer. God also brought to my mind that those who injured me and those that brought me healing are all in heaven together now (each of them being believers at the time of their death - including my step-father). Isn't that something.  The enemy did not win in his attempt to destroy my life and God even made a show of his efforts!

The effect of my past on my life has reached its fullness. It is complete. I will not be able to find my way back there. A path no longer exists. It doesn't mean I won't remember my past. That would be tragic. I want to remember what God has done for me. I guess what I am trying to say is that the past will no longer have any power over me.  I even had a vision of my aunt letting me go like a balloon. I said, "Lord, shouldn't it be me releasing her?" He said, "It is in honoring her role in your life that I am giving her the privilege in death of releasing you into your destiny. Unfettered." Strange, but a true vision. 

Unfettered. 

When I heard the word "unfettered," I began to see an image of a wounded eagle that had been rescued and taken to a place of refuge for care. I then saw that its healing was complete and it was now time for it to return to its natural environment - the one it was created for. I am that eagle. Oh, how I despised the fettering at times. I fought against the hand that cared for me and tended my wounds. I wanted to be free from restraints. I wanted to do the things I was created for now! I did not understand that the battering and wounding that I endured had left me vulnerable, weak and an easy target for the enemy - that what was happening to me in His care - fettering and all - was for my own good and His ultimate purposes. 

Saturday, the Lord undid my fetters. He held up his hand and said "Fly. Catch the wind of my Spirit. Soar. Be all I created you to be."

Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I don't know if I have been successful in conveying the spiritual significance of what I am trying to share. I don't even know if I fully understand it yet. Time will tell. As I move forward I feel confident that God will reveal to me where He and I are going and what I am to do. 

I rejoice in the knowledge that my wounds are healed and my chains are gone. I have been set free. I honor my Aunt Myrtle and give thanks to God for her life and give thanks that in her death, she has also been set free from the ties and bindings of this world. She is greatly loved and she will be greatly missed.

The Story of My Garden

As many of you already know, I planted a garden this year. I was just in the mood to see something grow! However, as I work the garden, I am seeing so many similarities in how God works in the garden of my heart. Without me spelling them out and as you read this blog, can you see what I am talking about?

When I first began gardening, it was all about the preparing of the land to receive the seeds/seedlings. I tilled the spot (more than once) to loosen the soil and soften the ground. In the process of tilling, many roots and rocks were exposed. I pulled, tugged and dug to get these hinderances out of my garden spot. It was very laborious! 

Once the soil was complete and I went to purchase my plants, I was advised by the local Ace Hardware garden expert that I would need to "amend" the soil as well. This meant that I would need to add some type of compost or potting soil to make the soil porous and loose so that the small plant roots could push through it. Lastly, I was told that I would need to add fertilizer to ensure the plants have all the nutrients that the soil might be lacking in order to promote optimal plant growth. Whew! This is getting complicated. 

Having done all that, I began to plant. I gently and tenderly placed my flowers and veggies in the soil that I had so patiently prepared. When I was done, I stood back and admired my work. It looked great and I was pleased. Then, things began to happen that I did not anticipate. Some plants came up right away, but others didn't. I followed the direction on the seed packets, so I could not imagine what happened. I checked every day - nothing. Finally I got a clue and realized that even though I gave it my best effort, these particular plants were not going to cooperate! However, I did not give up. I simply planted some new seeds and they grew just fine. 

Things were going along great. Everything had sprouted and these gorgeous little green plants began to develop and produce what I will call "fruit" from

here on out. Then, out of nowhere, 4 of my tomato plants died. I found out another lesson - just because something appears healthy on the outside, it doesn't mean it is healthy on the inside. My beautiful tomato plants had contracted a disease that blocked the uptake of water and other nutrients, which caused them to slowly welt and die - with tomatoes on the vine! Uugggh! I pulled them up and disposed of them for fear that their disease would affect the other 4 plants that I still had.  It hurt me to pull those once healthy plants up and throw them on the brush pile - such a loss of goodness that could have been enjoyed . 

With that situation behind me, I once again admired my nice, orderly garden. The plants grew lush and became laden with their "fruit." One day after a particularly heavy downpour, I went out to check my garden and I found several of my plants lying on their sides. The earth had softened and the fruit was heavy, so they just fell over. No worries - I can fix this. I could see that my plants were going to need a little support, so I rummaged through some old wood scraps and came up with some stakes. These once droopy plants now stand tall again.

My latest incident involves one of my main gardening concerns - animals that like veggies! I was checking my garden when I noticed that my cucumber plants looked a little funny. Sure enough, some animal had come in the dark of night to nibble away at a couple of them! I am actually surprised that it hadn't happened before now. Fortunately, the damage was not unto death. The plant will survive, but it will have to "start over" again. All that growth gone in a blink of an eye. My hope is that the unexpected pruning will actually cause the plant to grow back even stronger. Time will tell and I will let you know.

I just have to say that there is nothing like picking veggies from my very own garden. It is my reward - to enjoy the harvest. So far, my enjoyment has been limited to jalapeno peppers! It is amazing how creative I have been with just one item from my garden. This particular item has added spice and flavor to many dishes! I am looking forward to picking some bell peppers next. 

I will end today's blog on one very important note. A garden has to be maintained! If things are not addressed right away, things are likely to get out of control. Weeds in particular! It is a constant chore to keep them out of my garden. It is almost a daily task, but the result is so worth it. 

If anyone should see my garden, they would know without a doubt that I care for it and have invested much time and energy to ensure that it has the best chance possible to grow into maturity and share its bounty with me and others.

Walking in Fullness of Spirit

To anyone who has spent any time with me lately, it is fairly obvious that something has happened to me. Something divine. A "Lazarus" experience. A resurrection.

“When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come forth.” The man who had died came forth, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped around with a cloth. Jesus said to them, "Unbind him, and let him go."

John 11:43-44 (NASB)

God has called me by name out of a dead place (a tomb) and commanded that I come forth (live), be unbound and let go!

Come forth.... Unbind her.... Let her go....

I still remember the moment when I understood that Jesus had called my name and I was brought out of death and into life with Him. I even remember being aware that there was more to be done. I needed help in removing those things in my life that were associated with death - my grave clothes and their stench - and God and I have co-labored together to this end. (Lazarus means "God is my help").

It is the "let go" factor that captures my attention now.

A friend* said to me just a few days ago that she sees me as someone who is free from grave clothes, that they are lying at my feet and the word "victory" came to her mind. She shared this scripture with me:

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place."

 2 Corinthians 2:14 (NASB)

Her words gave me a fuller understanding of what has been happening to me. I am FREE! Not just free, but FREE INDEED! The grave clothes (unbinding) part of my walk with Jesus is done! It is time for me to be let go! I am walking out of a new level of victory and I am putting out a sweet smelling aroma of Him in EVERY place. 

I have graduated into a higher understanding of the freedom and life I have in Christ. It has been a long road to get to this leg of my journey. I believe I am on the last segment of my earthly, natural journey with God and I believe it will be the most fulfilling time of my life. 

"Every man serves the good wine first, and when the people have drunk freely, then he serves the poorer wine; but you have kept the good wine until now."

John 2:10 (NASB)

I have to admit. I have viewed a majority of my Christian walk as a co-laboring "to change and heal me" relationship with the Lord. I have not despised this aspect of our relationship because I love process and growth and working things out. However, I have been missing a very huge part of my Father's heart. 

His original intent...

For me to walk in fullness of spirit with Him in this world until the day I am able to walk in spirit in the fullness of His glory unveiled.

How do I do this? First, by embracing the freedom and liberty that was so costly gained on my behalf. Second, by allowing Him to do the work that frees my spirit up from ungodly entanglements and distractions. Third, acting on the truth...

I was created to have fellowship with him. To enjoy him. To be like him.  

What does walking in fullness of spirit look like in my life right now? 

Writing. Art. Photography.

Cooking. Gardening. 

Playing. Working. 

Learning. Living. 

Loving.

What does it look like in yours? I would love to share in the knowledge, and when able, the experience of how you are manifesting God's spirit in your life. 

* Thanks Meredith

The Power of Words

Words

They fascinate me!

The search for just the right words to articulate my thoughts can be satisfying at times and frustrating at others. For me, words are the building blocks, or DNA, of expression. How I choose and order the words on the inside of me, will determine what my outward expression will look like. 

Expression - as in bringing into the light, illuminating, that which is unseen - making something known.

The thing is that I don't just desire to make words known. I desire to make myself known through words. I desire people to know what is in my heart. My heart is the nucleus, the core, the creation place of my thoughts, beliefs and opinions. It is where my purposes and intentions are birthed.

This trail of thinking brought me to a particular set of verses:

"In the beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being." John 1:1-3 (Amplified Bible)

Jesus was called "the Word." Jesus (Christ) is the core expression of who God is and he, "the Word," brought every thing that was in God's heart into being. All God's desires and intentions were birthed out of His heart and illuminated through His Son, the Word, to the world.

Words come in the form of a divine person. They come from human beings as well. There is something unique and powerful about words and the instrument that speaks them forth and it is this:

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." 

Proverbs 18:21(a) (NASB)

I close with this prayer:

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart 

be pleasing in your sight,

 O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Psalm 19:14 (NIV)

May the Spirit of the Lord continuously cleanse my heart so that what is expressed from this unseen place is more and more the life and love of God.

 Amen.

In Search of a Gift

In this "great awakening" season of my life, I have made yet another wonderful discovery. 

I love a story!

I recently went on an excursion, a treasure hunt! Granted, it was in my mind, but it was a hunt none the less. What kind of treasure was I looking for?

 

A Gift

Not a present with a pretty bow on it, but gift as in

Giftedness 

I took my mental voyage all the way back to my childhood (waaaay back) to see if I could recognize a giftedness that had always been there, but had never been cultivated, that had been lying dormant due to lack of something - resources, encouragement, circumstances, etc. 

Was I an artist, a musician, an actor in the making who just never caught a break?

I searched and searched my memories. I liked music. Did I have a hidden musical gift? I liked writing poetry. Was I a poet and just didn't know it (alright - old joke). Reading was high on my list. Not sure there is a gift of reading. Day dreaming was seriously one of my favorite past times. It felt like a gift. These were nice memories, but I wanted treasure! I kept pondering things on my own and then I finally "got a clue" and petitioned God to help me find my special area of giftedness. God loves to reveal things to us....

"I will give you the treasures of darkness,

riches stored in secret places,

so that you may know that I am the LORD,

the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

Isaiah 45:3 (NIV)

He prompted me to think about what my "likes" had in common. With a little more probing on my part and prompting on God's, I got it! What He was showing me was that all my "likes" were ways of telling a story. 

Songs tell a story. Books tell stories. Poetry. Story. Day dreaming. Best kind of story.

Once I had a dream that I was having a conversation with God. Do you know what was the only thing I remembered about that conversation when I woke up? 

God likes fairy tales! 

Apparently, if my dream conversation is valid -

God loves a story too! 

The gospel being the greatest story ever told! 

The gospel is no fairy tale, but it does have a hero. His name is Jesus and He is our rescuer and defender. He came to the earth to sweep the damsel in distress, His betrothed, off her feet and into His arms for eternity. 

 

"I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice,
In lovingkindness and in compassion,

And I will betroth you to me in faithfulness."

Hosea 2:19-20(NASB)

Thank you God for writing your story on the tablet of my heart.

Back to the search for my gift(s)...

Is the love of a story a gift? Not necessarily, but the knowledge that my love of a story is a fundamental part of who I am is a present! 

My treasure hunt continues....