Not too many days ago, I listened to a friend lament over the fact that she had judged herself in many areas. In addition to recognizing that the source of her thoughts and emotions were coming from self-judgment, she also believed they were being caused by the judgment of others. Her words pierced my heart like a fiery arrow.
I knew that I had judged her, not in an all-encompassing way, but it was judgment all the same. To hear her heart-felt sharing and not recognize my part in her struggle felt dishonest and dirty. Though my heart was not filled with judgment toward her, it had been tainted ever so slightly and even that was not acceptable to me and, more importantly, it was not acceptable to God.
My heart exploded with sorrow over the truth of my actions. This was someone I loved and respected! How could I have felt these feelings, particularly when judging is not generally a part of my nature? All I can say is that a “little fox had slipped into my vineyard.”
Song of Solomon 2:15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.
In my sorrow, I heard the Lord. I needed to ask for forgiveness. My spirit so agreed with God’s. I wanted to ask for forgiveness and I wanted to do it right away. I praised God for His kindness in arranging a time and a place for me to release my friend and myself from the power of this act of judgment.
2 Corinthians 7:9 I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us.
Once the joy and relief of knowing that I was being given this opportunity to repent of my sin settled down, the reality of what I was about to do set in and fear rose up. “What would she think of me? What if she didn’t want to forgive me? What if I hurt her with my words?” were just a few thoughts that ran through my mind. I was feeling ashamed, fearful and exposed. My natural self wanted to hide and cover myself.
Genesis 3:7-10 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" And he said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself."
The time had come. My friend sat down beside me, and before I could lose my courage, I turned to her in tears and said, “There is something I have to tell you. I have judged you and I am so, so sorry. Will you forgive me?” With barely a pause, she looked me in the eyes, with her own tear filled eyes, and said, “I forgive you.” Then she embraced me and said, “ I love you my sister.” A warm, healing balm spread over my pierced heart.
Repentance and forgiveness my friends are not dirty words. They are blessings from God.
Acts of repentance and forgiveness promote vulnerability, humility and intimacy. They restore right relationship with man and God.Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Looking back, I can’t help but think that God thought, “Well done my good and faithful daughters.” Why? Because together, we painted a beautiful picture of a Christ-like exchange between two of His children. Believers who were both willing to risk for the sake of love.
