More Poetry

I am cheating a little on my blog today. I found some of my old poetry and thought I would "recycle" it. I have rewritten the poems a bit, so technically they are new. I guess this beautiful spring-like weather is inspiring me to be poetic! Speaking on inspiration, I just realized that my inspiration for both of these poems could have come from Exodus chapter 3 where God speaks to Moses from a burning bush. The "I AM" and holy fire themes are both in this chapter. Actually, I believe the first poem was inspired by a Sunday school lesson I was teaching. The second one most likely came to me during a time of seeking God's refinement. Stay tuned, I might find and post more old poetry. I save everything!

The Great “I AM”

“What is your name? Who shall I say you are?”

God speaks: “I AM WHO I AM”

The power of His voice goes forth

Reverberating throughout all creation

In the mighty clap of thunder

And the gentle splash of the raindrop

In the rumbling of the earthquake

And the gurgling of the mountain stream

In the fierce roar of the lion

And the gentle beating of the bird’s wings

In the warrior’s cry of triumph

And the newborn baby’s cry

Listen! Feel! Know!

The God of yesterday, today and forever

Is making His name known in the hearts of men

The Great "I AM"

HOLY FIRE

Look! There on the mountain!

A holy fire! A man within!

Righteous and pure and without sin

Burning bright, burning true

Beckoning to me, “I’ll see you through”

The journey begins here where I stand

Not hallowed ground, but right where I am

Bleeding feet and scarred knees

Is what this mountain is doing to me

Treacherous cliffs, from some I hang

Does He see me? Does He see my pain?

Yes! An outstretched arm, a helping hand

Back on my feet, now able to stand

The fire there is still calling you see

But wait, what is this change in me?

Oh, what a wonderful and glorious sight!

A gift of Hind’s feet for the climb through the night!

Upward, upward I must go

Never looking down, never looking below

At last, here I am at journeys end

He calls my name and I enter in

This all-consuming fire that is eternally Him

To be united with Him in one accord

This is my destination! This is my reward!

Scars of the Heart

I was reading chapter 20 of the Gospel of John this morning and I stopped at verses 19 and 20 to meditate on them and to appreciate them anew. These verses tell us that Jesus appeared to His disciples after His resurrection and He showed them His hands and His side. He was proving to them that it was indeed Him they were seeing, as evidenced by the crucifixion scars He still bore on His body. This passage brought back to my remembrance a poem I had written a few years ago about a different type of scar - scars of the heart.

This poem came out of a conversation I had with the Lord about past hurts. Here are some excerpts from my journal about what He spoke to me - followed by the poem this conversation inspired:

The Lord speaking to me -

"You ask me, 'What is this that runs across my heart Lord? What is this ridge, this road map of agony, of pain, of despair? Where did it come from? What do I do with it? Can it be taken away?' I, the Lord, say to you: This is your testimony. This scar inflicted upon your heart. When you look at the scar - touch it, ponder it and remember.

Remember me.

Do you remember how you got that scar? What injustice you suffered? The violence you endured? Do you remember the shame of the moment? The helplessness to stop the pain? Do you remember?

I Remember.

This is my testimony: I bear the scars on my hands, feet and my side. I bear the scar of the cross so that you might live. Your scars are heart scars. I was there when they were inflicted. I put my hand into that place of pain and I asked my Father to bring healing, to bring wholeness, to bring newness. I asked that I might carry the pain and shame of the suffering you endured that you might live.

I see your scars. I see your pain. I do more than see. I carry. I carry the scars of your heart in my heart. Why you ask? It is my testimony of love. I love. I love. I love. I love."

"Scars of the Heart"

A scar

A ridge across the heart

A hurt, a pain, a sorrow

A witness

A statement

A scar

Evidence of the past

Covered over, closed up

A memory

A thought

Ah! A greater understanding revealed

Compassion, mercy, grace

A new beginning

A fresh start

A scar

A place of remembrance

Healing, wholeness, restoration

A testimony

A story

The scar of my heart.

The cross

A thought, a memory, a story

A statement, a witness, a testimony

A new beginning, a fresh start

The scar of your heart.

The scar of my heart swallowed up by the scar of your heart

Enduring, embracing, erasing

A perfect gift

A sacrifice of love

The cross

Victim to Victor

Today I was reading the verses about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:40 : Matt 26:36-46; Mark 14:32-42) and I began to contemplate how he must have felt as he faced the ordeal of the cross that was to come. I wondered if he was so distraught because he knew for the first time in his existence, he would be alone - set apart from his earthy friends and family, separated from his Father. This got me to thinking about the times that I have felt alone. Most of these times have been when I have been a victim to someone else's ungodly will. Now, I do not in any way believe Jesus was a victim. I know that he chose his path and could have changed his mind at any time. I guess I am just trying to say that I know that Jesus can relate to how it feels to be utterly alone and subject to peoples' ungodly desires. It lead me to write the following poems (or lines, not sure they are poems). The first is how I felt as a victim and the second is how I felt, and still feel, as a victor in Christ.

"Victim"

Silent screams

Begging heart

Longing for mercy

Needing rescue

Desperate

Trapped

Terror

Pleading

Humiliation

Deep Sorrow

Released at last

Overwhelming relief

Will know better next time

New strategies imagined

Escape routes planned

Be Still - Be small

Shhhh....

"Victor"

Out of the deep darkness comes a great Light extending His hand to me.

Lifting me higher and higher until the things of my past are just

A shadow in time

A sliver of darkness

A vapor of remembrance

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth."

(Psalm 121:1-2)

I will not look back for my heart is in the hands of the Keeper of Hearts.

Precious, gentle, tender care and restoration belong to Him.

I have found my resting place, my safe refuge.

I will not be moved.

The Divine Exchange

My Inborn Image of Me...

Depraved, corrupt, polluted, defiled, contaminated, evil, wicked, immoral, crooked, bent, rough, irregular, sinful, bad, harmful, naughty, misbehaving, mischievous, , impish, self-indulgent, self-pitying, weak, childish, wallowing, over emotional, dishonest, disabled, broken, wanton, willful, headstrong, stubborn, unmovable

oppression

bondage

darkness

death

for

His Reborn Image of Me...

Righteous, virtuous, moral, good, just, blameless, upright, honorable, honest, respectable, decent, worthy, first class, first rate, fine, excellent, high quality, superior, ethical, right, proper, principled, fair, impartial, truthful, innocent, spotless, clean, unblemished, untarnished, conscientious, thorough, careful, orderly, perfect, flawless, guiltless, above suspicion, straight, admirable, praiseworthy, highly regarded, well thought of, trustworthy, sound, dependable, reliable, of good standing, polite, civilized, well-mannered, courteous, sincere, frank, candid, straight forward, direct, open

liberty

freedom

light

life

"We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." (Romans 6:3, NIV)

Thank you Lord for my new life!

Dissatisfied with the Ordinary

A few weeks ago, I told Jesus during one of my journaling times that I did not believe that He was with me. On what did I base this accusation? My feelings. I was accusing Jesus of not being with me because I was not feeling Him with me.

I wondered how someone as huge and wonderful as the Creator could exist within me and I not feel Him?

Maybe I thought I could manipulate Him into responding and a boatload of feelings would just pour over me. Nope. Jesus is not manipulated by our feelings, moved yes, but not manipulated.

Because I was not feeling God’s active, tangible presence in my life, something that I had grown very accustomed to, I began to feel ordinary and alone. I was even fearful that I was going to go backward in my faith instead of forward. This would be a real no-no for me because I love growth and forward movement.

I began to despise the ordinariness I was feeling and a deep sense of loneliness came over me.

By the grace of God, I realized that what was happening to me was not ordinary at all, but still qualified as a wonderful work of His hand. I liken it to my experiences of being slain in the Spirit. During such times, God would bypass my head and go straight to my heart. During such times, I did not even know or understand the work He was doing, nor did I need to in order to appreciate it and benefit from it, nor did I always FEEL it.

That God can and does work on my behalf in a realm beyond my senses is extraordinary to me.

The fact that the evidence of His presence comes out in His steadfast faithfulness to change me into the person He created me to be (my heart’s cry) is extraordinary to me.

Though I may not feel it, I can have the confidence that God is with me and He is working in me and through me for my good, His purposes and His glory. This is not a quantum leap experience mind you. This kind of work occurs over an extended period of time (a lifetime really), and is evidenced by changes and growth that are sometimes unobservable by human standards, but yet exist and are real and meaningful – the fullness of which will be unveiled in His timing.

I know this for sure.

I was created to live an extraordinary life of love, compassion, forgivingness, sacrifice, etc., and God has put a passion for it in my heart and when the flame of that passion is turned down for a season of additional training and transformation, my heart longs for it.

Ordinary does not satisfy.

It is at these times when the enemy will come in and say, “You are alone.” I know this is a lie because God’s word says, “I will never leave or forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5b). I am not forsaken or forgotten. My God is with me.

I glean wisdom from the apostle Paul’s words in Philippines 4:12-13:

"…for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

I am right where I should be. I am in the hands of the Potter as he continues to add details to the masterpiece He calls my life – a life that longs to live for Him and for His glory.

My prayer is that I will be content in all things and in all places, that as I wait upon the Lord,

I will sing like David sang, dance as David danced, write Psalms, meditate on God’s goodness, and give to God offerings of praise and adoration that are due Him.

Winter Has Come

I tried to blog yesterday, but without much success. I had so many thoughts going through my mind that I became overwhelmed. So, I decided that it might be easier for me to write a poem/psalm. I will do that from time to time. Some of you may recognize this "place" that I write about.

Winter has come….

As a vineyard in summer, I was once clothed in royal garments.

A majestic, vibrant and fruitful life was there for all to see.

Now, I stand before the people stripped down to nothing, bare and exposed.

Their eyes are upon me. What do they see?

Do they know that you are still with me?

Will they look beyond outward appearances?

Will they recognize that your will is being done in me?

Is it evident that it is by your hand that I am in this place?

Do they see that even so, I struggle to be still.

Do not despise it….

I surrender to this winter season Lord.

Standing

Waiting

Expecting

Being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see -

The newness of spring...

An Early Christmas Present

The Lord gave me an early Christmas present this year - truth wrapped in grace.

In order to understand the magnitude of this gift, I need to share this story.

In June of 2007, I brought my mom from Florida to North Carolina to live with me. She had been battling a terminal illness and had reached a point where she could no longer live alone. I watched my mom silently, she wasn't one to share her feelings, and with much grace accept her fate. She was dying. The healing she, I and others had believed in for so many years (yes, she lived beyond what the doctors had predicted) appeared to be a very distant hope.

I had my mom in my care for 3 days, a hard but beautiful 3 days, before the Lord took her home. Afterwards, I felt traumatized, cheated and slightly betrayed by God. First, we only had 3 days! Second, it was not an easy death, which I felt she deserved given all she had been through in life. Third, God had not fulfilled the practical desires of her heart - things that she had patiently and lovingly been waiting years for Him to do. I confess that though I did feel frustration on behalf of my mom, on a much deeper level, my feelings were revealing something about me. (Stay with me. We will get to the gift soon!)

Here's the kicker - a revelation straight from God. I pitied her. Further revelation - not only did I pity my mom in death, I pitied my mom in life. She had endured so much. She deserved my pity, right? Wrong.

Time to unwrap that gift! There were so many things inside the package - mercy, kindness, forgiveness. Forgiveness, you say? Yes. Forgiveness.

God was offering me the gift of repentance.

(Mom as a teenage mother)

He basically said you pitied your mom when in reality you were the one to be pitied - your unbelief, your fears, your wrong thinking. At that point, He brought the essence of my mother's heart so close to me that I could feel it inside me. It was beautiful! I saw her for who she really was and it was not the weak, watered down version of a childish, naive dreamer that I had imagined.

She was a great adventurer! She hungered for and desired adventure and she had just enough moxie that even in the midst of unyielding circumstances, she believed in the bigness of God for it. Circumstances could not hold her heart captive. It was free to fly before the throne of God with all its petitions.

He liked that. A lot! Even if the details of how she thought the adventure would happen didn't match up with His plan, He so loved her for daring to believe in greatness, in His greatness, and for taking that risk. A great adventure does not come without great risk.

(Mom with the girls prior to her diagnosis)

I repented of all my wrong thinking toward my mom. I felt the warmth of God's acceptance and the balm of His forgiveness as He applied it to this area of my life. I will never see my mother the same again. Praise God! She is no longer an object of pity to me. She is now a person, a spirit, of inspiration!

God went on to share with me that an "adventurous heart" is part of my family's spiritual inheritance. I could either embrace it or struggle against it. It was not going away.

I embrace it and cry out to God for the strength to hold on to it as I stretch toward the bar of faith and belief that my mother set. May the bar grow ever higher and the risks ever greater for your glory and your glory alone Lord. May you bless my family line for generations to come with this adventurous heart. May stories be told throughout all heaven and earth of my family's great and mighty acts of faith. May it be so.

(How's that mom? Am I getting it? Am I on the right path? I have no doubt that in the same spirit of adventure and boldness, you went before the throne of God on my behalf and petitioned Him to to set me free - that I and all your family might benefit from the sharing of this truth - We were created for adventure! Thanks mom. Keep praying for us for the temptations and distractions are many!)